My 85 y/o mother spent the last 18 months of her precious life in a very nice retirement village for seniors - not a nursing home and not in assisted living. Just moved across the state to be closer to nearby family members, mainly, her 3 children. She got around with the use of a walker I bought her / in red, her favorite color. She had to walk quite a way to get to the cafeteria but for the most part, she did better than I did. I, (30 yrs younger) also use a walker (long story) but often accompanied her to eat lunch. One particular day when we got to the lunch room, we sat down at her designated table and waited for the staff to serve lunch. As usual, as we sat - we put cream in our coffee and lemon in our tea (already on the table) and was making pleasant conversation with others when suddenly out of nowhere we hear a screaming, angry voice. "It" said, "Listen up folks! The Health Dept was just here and we got in trouble for cross contamination (we knew of two residents that were hospitalized for stomach flu - or was it really something worse?) She continued to holler (I asked mom who this vile womanwas and she said it was the "new administrator.") I could not believe my ears. One sweet lady sitting nearby jumped up and tearfully told "it" she was out of line and that she scared/startled her. IT did not even acknowledge the obviously shaken resident. Instead, IT continued..."I am sick and tired of 'you people' and from now on - to ensure there is no cross contamination, you will all stand in line and pick up your own food trays." The cafeteria seats about 100 people and all are over the age of 70, and all using walkers or w/chairs. I HAD HEARD ENOUGH. OH MY. (Being a social worker and advocate for others I had to speak to IT head-on.) {My mother often made mention that maybe I should have gone down the same career paths as my older siblings, teaching and education administration. And although I respect the teaching profession immensely, that is not what my heart led me to do} So...to my sweet mothers open mouth and astonishment, I stood up from behind a huge white pillar column and stepped into IT'S direct line of vision and proceeded to tell IT how inappropriate she was and HOW DARE she EVER scream at their residents like that or any other human being. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE." She BLUSHED profusely and was horrified that a family member was in the dining room that day to witness her wrath. Hearing my voice, IT turned her head my way so sharply, I thought sure her neck was going to snap. I asked what about those who are not able to stand in line that long and those in w/chairs? How will they safely maneuver? I will never forget that vile IT's reply. "Well that's not my problem - they need to MOVE OUT because this is not a nursing home nor assisted living - folks have to do things on their own or move on." I said, "Wait a minute...it is NOT their fault this facility was called on the carpet for cross contamination of food. But you are blaming them for it and your answer to the problem is to punishment residents for YOUR incompetence!?! When they toured this residence before moving in they were told they would be served at their table. They pay their hard-earned money to you every month and now you are LITERALLY turning the tables on them? I think NOT." What happened next shook me to my core. I got a standing ovation from half the room that could stand. And a round of applause from all. This act of support infuriated IT. Not only did IT not foresee family being privy to her outburst that day, IT sure didn't expect to be called out OR for her message to be opposed. Bottom line, she chose the WRONG day to show out. I continued, "You are way out of line, lady, and owe these fine people an apology." IT continued to scream at the top of her lungs then burst into tears and ran out of the room. Residents sat there stunned. And hungry. And confused. And frankly, traumatized. Mom and I went back to her apartment and went out to lunch. She was upset and I was livid and shaking I was so angry. Mom had severe dementia at the time and as the afternoon dragged on, she seemed to forget what had happened in the resident cafeteria. As said before, I will never forget the inhumane way they were treated that day. The little lady (I'll call her Sue) who had been startled at IT'S outburst was one of moms closest friends there. She shared with us later that day that she was so hurt and angry at the manner IT had displayed that day. A few days later, Sue was simply GONE. Word had it that her family learned of what happened and removed her from the facility. Mom was happy for her friend but devastated to lose her company. Mom tried to go to the cafeteria a few times after that awful incident but she could not stand in line that long nor carry her walker AND her tray. She was rightly scared of falling or dropping her tray trying to balance it on her walker. She was a modest but proud and strong woman and would have been mortified if she couldn't handle it. And she should have never been put in that position.
Shortly thereafter, mom started losing weight and interest in things she previously enjoyed. In the next few months, we would learn mom also had colon cancer. But, God is so good. She was not in excruciating pain until the last few days, or if she was she forgot about it or just didn't let on. But I'll never get those few days - the wails of her pain - out of my head.
This is the first part of my story about my sweet momma. Before she died she told me she was proud of the stand I took that day. I was shocked she remembered it. Turned out, several friends came to visit her and expressed their gratitude for what I had done. I didn't do anything that any ordinary citizen should have done in the same situation. But my momma always said I was her out-spoken child. Indeed, momma - I am guilty of that, sho'nuff. (The irony of this is that I have been an employee of the Health Dept for 30 years. If "IT" had known that - she might have passed plum out.)
NOTE: Corporate office of this facility was made aware of the shenanigans that occurred that day. I heard later a petition was being circulated for her removal. I will keep you posted.
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