The Color GOLDEN

I have never in my life appreciated SILENCE as much as I do at age 53. God truly gave us 2 ears and 1 tongue so we could LISTEN twice as much as we speak. It is exhausting (to me) to be in the midst of incessant chatter/talk all around me - ALL DAY LONG. Some of it work-related, some not.  But ceaseless conversation and noise - ALL DAY LONG.   There is NEVER a quiet moment. I can't listen to hear myself speak, much less think! And don't get me started on how the sound of a ringing phone affects me. Bottom line - my nerves are completely shot. After working autonomously in what was usually a one-on-one environment for more than 25 years - I have learned I could NEVER have been what my mother always wanted her kids to be (and two of three were) - a teacher. How one person corrals 25+ kids in one room and maintains some semblance of order is beyond my total comprehension. It felt good to express these feelings in silence - without hearing a sound, other than the pecking of my own fingers on the keyboard. Silence has never been as calming to me as NOW – in my old age.  SilenceIsGolden...  Golden, I tell you.

Just Not In The Mood...

My heart is heavy and my soul is weary. I just can't do it this year. There's no one around to help 'do' the decorations and (for once) I'm just not going to beg and nag to get them out of the attic - and put up - and it's ok. Really, it is. Seriously. My husband has his hands full taking care of the farm, his elderly mother, working a full-time job, and more. Not going to ask him to do another thing. I am simply NOT in the spirit this year. There will not be a tree in the house with me for the first time in 53 years. I do havc a beautiful 1½ foot turquoise tree in my bedroom. Surely that’d get me at least one jolly point – but as far as any actual decorating at my house this year – not happening. And honestly, the little turquoise tree has been sitting in the same spot since last Christmas –and I’ve decided it’s found its permanent resting place. I like looking at it and seeing it all year round, so wah-lah – one decoration problem solved. Additionally, I am NOT sending out cards for the first time in 30 years. Again, I just can't do it. Does this mean I’ve finally grown up?? Hmmm…..Nah- Not a chance. I still love life and love the REAL meaning of CHRISTmas - but all the ads on TV, all the craziness out there, the commercialization of the season - it's just a turn-off to me this year. And the hustle and bustle of the season I use to enjoy is now just too nerve wracking for me. I suppose my (usually) jolly holiday spirit has also been hampered this year because of a lot of personal and professional changes that occurred during the year. It’s been a year of lots of changes. But nonetheless, whatever the reason, I'll just be glad when January gets here and we can just have some more snow days. Hopefully, next time there'll be enough snow to make up a big batch of snow cream! So, I guess it’s official – I.AM.AN.OLD.LADY. But bring on the snow cream! Yes!  And PS...Merry Christmas!