Every Day is a Gift

I don't know the original writer of this note - but it speaks the truth and touched my heart many years ago. I printed this off the internet on March 4, 1999. Two weeks to the day before the accident that changed my life forever. Interesting timing then – and now. Found in a box recently - as I went through years of my personal belongings during an office move. Touched my heart all over again - hope it touches yours!

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My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister’s bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. “This,” he said, “is not a slip, this is lingerie.” He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of beautiful lace. “Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion.” He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. “Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion.” I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plan returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister’s family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn’t seen or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special. I’m still thinking about his words, and they’ve changed my life. I’m reading more and dusting less. I’m sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I’m spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. I’m not ‘saving’ anything for a ‘special’ occasion. We use our good china and crystal for every special event – such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is, if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I’m not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function just as well as my party-going friends. “Someday” and “one of these days” are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it’s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it NOW. I’m not sure what my sister would have done had she known that she wouldn’t be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I’m guessing because I’ll never know. It’s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with – someday. Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I intended to write – one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn’t tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.

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I’m trying very hard not to put off, hold back or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I’m trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

Every day, every minute, every breath, truly is…a gift from God.

Relationship Rescue - Or Not?

From the album: Timeline Photos
By "You Are What You Think" (facebook)

Love yourself enough to know when enough is enough....

So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship - it's actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect. - E.D. -
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Although I have mixed feeings about this subject, I can see BOTH sides. No matter how FLAT you make a pancake - it will always have two sides. I look at it this way: When we get married, traditional vows say, "in good times and in bad, through sickness and health, poverty and wealth, etc....till DEATH do us part." Sounds pretty simple and crystal clear. So, who died? You're suppose to stay together forever no matter what, right? But every relationship is different and should not be judged by anyone but God. He knows our circumstances before we even have circumstances. Judge not, lest ye be judged. It's hard to know for sure when to 'let go'. Personally, I have had two divorces. I was the first in my immediate family to get divorced. I felt shame and embarassment. My brother and sister both have been in marriages that have endured 40+ years! My own parents were married nearly 50 years before my dad died. But, for whatever reason, I was not so fortunate in the love department. But, everything that has happened in my life served a purpose. If I had stayed married to number 1 or 2 - I would not have my precious Courtney Lindsay. So, going through the heartache no matter how heartwrenching was worth it if it resulted in her being born. On the other hand, I married the first 2 times TOO YOUNG. We were high school sweethearts - together for years, but married for only 3 months. TOO YOUNG and DUMB. We might still be together if our parents whipped our butts and sent us back to our new home instead of inviting us back to their home. Who knows? I don't know anything for sure except that I am on number 3 right now and it's not the best marriage in the world - but it's lasted almost 26 years. That's a world record for me! He has been a wonderful father and is a good man. I may tease and gripe about him and could box his ears most days, but I'm content. Sometimes he is my soft place to fall and I trust he will catch me if need be. And in today’s world, I'd say that's a good thing - it's a good thing to just be content. Courtney might have preferred we get a divorce through the years as she's heard her share of fussing and disagreements we've had. But deep down, I think she's proud to say her parents are still together - I don't really know, you'd have to ask her. And sometimes it's just easier to stay than to deal with all the hassles of leaving - that is the saddest situation I can think of but I know a lot of people in that very boat. Whether it's finances, children, property or other difficult matters, it takes a lot of energy, money, and lawyers to work these things out - so yes, sometimes it's just easier to stay put. That is - UNLESS - there is abuse involved - then it is NEVER and I mean NEVER wise to stay put. GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION PRONTO! And whether or not you want to participate in having another relationship/life partner in the future could also be a determining factor in your decision. If you are happy and secure just being in your own company and not really feeling the need to be loved in that way anymore, then leaving wouldn't be a high priority in the scheme of life. Especially if you both feel that way. But really, who doesn't want that romantic kind of love? Don't we all? Probably not, obviously not. Everybody has differing needs in that respect. But, as I said before, at this moment - I'm content just to be content - and that's my two cents.