This is my life...

Just when I think I have a teeny tiny grasp on the most important things in life I get a profound reminder that there's so much I still don't know.  It is said that sometimes we are one small or a couple of life events away from something monumental that could change our lives forever.  I've literally been at that crossroads several times through my life, and by the grace and goodness of God, I'm still standing.  (Can't stand very long and my stance and gait is wobbly, but still, Here.I.Am.) Even though I have faced and continue to face many health/life challenges - I want to pause and give props to my husband for all his assistance.  If not for Rick, I could not survive alone with this diagnosis.  We aggravate one another like most couples do after 30+ years but we're always there for richer/poorer and in sickness/health.  So, I am giving tremendous thanks and kudos to him for sticking with me.  There would have been many who would have hightailed it out of here long ago.  So, let it be forever known by evidenced here in this post - that I express my love and gratitude for my amazingly supportive husband.  He's a good man and has been a wonderful father too.  Knowing that I've been blessed to have his support,  makes me wonder and worry about people who don't have family or friends who help them.  How do they do it?  How do they survive? Do they?  I am generally a person of average intelligence with an excellent education and a good head filled with a HUGE amount of common sense in my noggin.  (Yeah really) The training and process of learning pd dialysis at home has been exhausting and overwhelming.  I realize now that part of my recent fuzzy cognitive issues have been due to me being so very ill and not knowing it.  Part of it is also that I am older and it naturally takes longer for me to absorb new information about a condition I have no experience in.  I have worked in the medical field for 30 years but this is the first time I have had to learn anything about kidney failure.  And to be told you're at the very end stage (meaning you have a LOT to learn in the smallest window) is shocking.  It's scary.  I had no idea diabetes could eventually make your kidneys shut down!  I am convinced it was the high dosage of Met Formin I was on for 2 years.  Research has now shown the particular med can cause severe kidney issues - so if you know anyone taking it, please let them know.  Additionally, my mind can't help but wonder - how do people older than me with no medical background and no family support do it?  How do they manage?  Why do I think about things like this - maybe because I'm naturally too curious for my own good.  Maybe because I spent a lifetime lending emotional support to those who lacked adequate knowledge about their medical problems and their poor or non-existent support systems.  I have been on the night cycler dialysis when I sleep for two wks now.  The whole set-up each day is hard for me to do alone.  I use 3 - 5000 ml bags ev night and they are extremely heavy and hard to maneuver.  No little old frail lady or man could lift them and connect all the lines and set up the digital machine.  So what you might ask.  I guess I'm just pondering out loud how very thankful that I am to be able to manage.  It should not ever be this hard just to live but I'm thankful I am capable of doing it right now.  Thanks everyBUDDY for your prayers!  Love my peeps!  Love my Lord who gives me strength.

🙏🏼❤🙏🏼